• Being charismatic does not depend on how much time you have but on how fully present you are in each interaction. The ability to be fully present makes you stand out from the crowd; it makes you memorable. When you’re fully present, even a five-minute conversation can create a “wow” effect, as well as an emotional connection. The people you’re with feel that they have your full attention and that they are the most important thing in the world to you at that moment.

• One young man told me his eyes are so sensitive to sunlight that even when he explains the real cause of his facial tension, the people he’s with often seem to doubt his explanation. On a gut level, they still feel there’s a problem between them. His solution is to assess the room before sitting down to make sure he won’t be facing the sun or to ask to change positions as soon as the sun becomes a problem. Because he is aware of this problem, he can take action before it affects the way he’s perceived.

• Anxiety Caused by Uncertainty

• Human beings are by nature driven to compare. Whenever we have an experience, we tend to compare it to our past experiences, to others’ experiences, or to our ideal image of what the experience should be. This tendency becomes even more acute when we’re presented with several options and want to make the best possible choice, seeking to optimize the outcome.

• Self-criticism is one of the most common obstacles to great performance in any field. It’s often called the silent killer of business, because so many executives suffer from it, yet so few dare to speak out about it.

• Any internal discomfort—either physical or mental—can impair how you feel, how you perform, and how others perceive you.

• Physical tension caused by something as simple as the sun in your eyes produces the same changes in body language as a more serious discomfort, like anxiety or irritation.

• Prevention is optimal: plan ahead to ensure comfort in clothing, location, and timing.

• You can also see thoughts as flickers of electricity crackling on the surface of your mind. Thoughts, in fact, have no tangible substance: they’re just little electrical impulses sent from one part of your brain to another.

• To make the visualization most effective, I try to arrive at the venue early so that I can walk around the stage and get comfortable with the space. I take the right music along with me and start the visualizations right there on stage, aiming to link confident, triumphant feelings to being in that particular environment.

• A few minutes before I’m due to walk out under the spotlights, I hide away in an unoccupied room (this is such a common practice for actors, politicians, speakers, and all other performers that a special room called the green room is often reserved for just this purpose) and run through my visualization, dancing around (yes, I’m serious) to my personal soundtrack.

• Visualization is indeed a powerful tool. Of all the charisma-boosting techniques, this is the one I recommend making a permanent part of your toolkit. If you gain nothing else from this book, this one technique will make a critical difference to your charisma.

• We all know that few things will ruin someone’s chances more than giving off an impression of desperation, whether they’re on a job interview or on a date. Gratitude is a great antidote to all of these negative feelings because it comes from thinking of things you already have—from material items or experiences to cherished relationships.

• Elon Musk, cofounder of PayPal and current CEO of Tesla Motors, embodies focus charisma. As he’ll tell you himself, Musk is very much an introvert. In Tesla’s open office space, his nearly empty desk is in the far right corner, two huge monitors arranged to create a cocoon, shielding him from the rest of the office.

• As far as appearance goes, choosing clothing that appears expensive or high-status is one of the easiest ways to look authoritative.

• Remember, it’s all about keeping the spotlight on them for as long as possible. “Talk to a man about himself, and he will listen for hours,” said Benjamin Disraeli.

• You might not remember the exact content of conversations you had a week ago, but you probably do remember how they felt. It’s not the words but the conversation’s emotional imprint that remains. And if you use all the tools we’ve just covered, the emotional imprint will be simply splendid.

• Visionary charismatics make full use of the power of images. Presidents rated as charismatic, such as Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln, used twice as many visual metaphors in their inaugural addresses as did those rated as noncharismatic.

• When someone displays high confidence through their body language, we tend to assume they have something to be confident about: people simply accept what you project. Any increase in the amount of confidence your body language projects will bring you major charisma rewards.

• “Powerful people sit sideways on chairs, drape their arms over the back, or appropriate two chairs by placing an arm across the back of an adjacent chair. They put their feet on the desk. They sit on the desk.” All of these behaviors, she says, are ways of claiming space.

• This kind of high-status, high-confidence body language is characterized by how few movements are made. Composed people exhibit a level of stillness, which is sometimes described as poise.

• The first is excessive or rapid nodding. Nodding once for emphasis or to express agreement is fine and can be an effective communication method, but nodding three or four times in rapid succession is not. This is what one of my clients has come to call “the bobble head.”

• The second hindrance is excessive verbal reassurance: making a sound, such as “uh-huh,” or a half-sentence, such as “Oh, I agree.”

• The third issue is restlessness or fidgeting (tapping your pencil or foot, or rearranging items on the table). Fidgeting decreases presence, thus charisma.

• How to break these habits? The first step is awareness—you need to see how you appear to others. One of the most valuable things you can do is to videotape yourself during a meeting or even a casual conversation.

• Here’s one specific—and surprisingly effective—recommendation for phone charisma, courtesy of author Leil Lowndes: Do not answer the phone in a warm or friendly manner. Instead, answer crisply and professionally. Then, only after you hear who is calling, let warmth or even enthusiasm pour forth in your voice. This simple technique is an easy and effective way to make people feel special. I recommend it to all my business clients whose companies have a strong customer service component. The gains in customer satisfaction are impressive.

• To paraphrase Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, author of The Little Prince: perfection is not when there is no more to add, but when there is no more to subtract.

• Within this one main message, have three to five key supporting points. The human brain thinks in triads (from Olympic medals to fairy tales, it’s three medals, three princes, three bears), and it cannot immediately comprehend numbers greater than four.

• Stories have a particularly strong impact on people. In fact, audiences will often remember first the story, and only second the point the story was making. Since the dawn of time, people have been telling stories as a way to transmit information to one another.

• Personally, I avoid formal Q&A entirely. Instead, my introducer warns the audience that there will be no Q&A session at the end, so their one and only chance to ask questions is during the speech.

• Charisma takes practice. Steve Jobs, who appeared so masterful on stage, was known to rehearse important presentations relentlessly. Just as a duck appears to be sailing smoothly on the surface of a lake while powerfully paddling below the waterline, it takes a whole lot of effort for a presentation to appear effortless.

• Charismatic speakers know how to give the impression that they’re as comfortable walking across the stage as they would be walking across their living room. This is called owning the stage, and there are three tricks to making it happen.

• During that first speech, I felt certain that if I were to pause even for an instant, I’d lose my audience’s attention forever. It takes courage to pause. But, just as in conversations, pausing regularly during your presentations is an important skill to acquire. It’s one of the hallmarks of effective speakers and really is one of the key tools for great speaking. Throughout your speech, pause frequently, deliberately. Have the confidence to make your listeners wait for your words. It’s called a dramatic pause for a reason: it adds drama.

• Think of the people you want your charisma to impact. What standard would you like them to live up to or exceed? Express this expectation as if you have full confidence that they can live up to it. Better yet, act like you assume they already are meeting these standards.

• Studies consistently show that in times of crisis, people instinctively turn to individuals who are bold, confident, and decisive. Crisis creates uncertainty, which creates angst, and people will cling to whatever they feel diminishes this angst. This is why faith, vision, and authority have such power in times of crisis.

• As you are seen increasingly as a “star,” even those who want to like you may find it hard to relate to you. In addition, you may feel increasingly separated from them. When people start to put you on a pedestal and to see you as special, different, or superhuman, you might end up feeling isolated.

• As you become increasingly charismatic and things start happening easily for you, there’s also a risk of assuming that things happen just as easily and smoothly for other people. Try to remember that this isn’t the case; others don’t all have your new charismatic powers.

• Just like a rough diamond needs polishing to reveal its brilliance, it took a little skill and practice to bring James’s inner superstar to the surface.

• Once you’ve addressed the obstacles, the next step is to consciously create mental states that help you project charisma. Visualization, used commonly by professional athletes, is a remarkably versatile and powerful tool for accessing the right mental state. Practicing gratitude, goodwill, and compassion puts you in a mental state that projects warmth. And compassion for yourself, surprisingly, helps you access all aspects of charisma.

• Nonverbal power can be projected by using “big gorilla” body language and avoiding unnecessary movements.

• Craft your message clearly and simply, use vivid stories, metaphors, and analogies, and focus on things the audience can relate to.

• Choose your clothing to create a specific image and feeling, but also to be comfortable.