• is well-known that people communicate through a set of filters shaped by history, sense of identity, beliefs about what is true, and values about what is right, as well as perceptions and interpretations of what is going on. When someone else communicates with us, we squeeze the message through our own personal filtering system to understand. Of course, people from the same ethnic, cultural, gender, national, or geographic grouping have some common history and beliefs. That makes communication within those groups easier, than between people who come from different backgrounds.

• For example, "I would like you to think through what needs to be done and just go do it."

• I have a friend who likes to go away for the weekend at the last minute. Guess what Pattern she has! She used to phone her brother up on a Thursday night and say "Hey I found a great deal to go to Majorca very cheap this weekend. Wanna go? Wanna go?" He usually refused and became annoyed. When she guessed he was more Reactive, she changed her approach: "I found some info about a cheap weekend getaway in Majorca and I was wondering if we might like to do it. I am sending you the information so you can think it over and let me know." He called back in an hour and said "Yes."

• Many books on sales will tell you that a person will buy either to gain a benefit or to avoid a problem. Once you have asked the question Why is that important, to determine a Toward or Away From motivation, you can use the appropriate Influencing Language.

• "When you are speaking with Ahmed, I suggest that you ask him what is important before showing him our solutions. (suggestion) That way you may avoid showing him things he won't like (problem avoided in Away From language), and you can go directly to the solutions he is interested in (benefit expressed in Toward language). This should be easy for you, since you already have a great rapport with him." (encouraging comment)

• learned! If you want someone to do something now, let them know: "but you are free to refuse". Hey, I'm going to try this out with my hubby!

• If you want to attract both groups, or if your client pays attention to both Internal standards and External feedback, use both Patterns. "It's up to you, but many folks buy the blue one."

• "Only you can know what you want, although most people are getting this one."

• Many positions in manufacturing are Specific in nature, such as assemblyline work. General people would make many mistakes through inattention to detail in this kind of work. Quality control necessitates a Mainly Specific Pattern as well as Procedures and Away From.

• I recommend keeping your goals and targets in mind, as well as the issues and problems you need to address, and regularly check in to see if you are meeting them and if what you are doing (this month, this week, today, this hour etc.) will do the most to move you ahead. To do this, zoom out and imagine having an overview of your work, your role as if you were in a helicopter hovering high enough to see the past, the present and the future. This will enable to make better decisions about what to focus on.